Toolbox
Why Do I React Before I Think? Learning the Power of the Pause
Have you found yourself saying or doing something you wished you didn’t?
Have you found yourself thinking of an answer before the other person has finished speaking, only to realise you missed something that mattered?
I know I have. There have been times when I've responded too quickly, only to realise afterwards that I wished I'd taken a moment to pause first.
The pause can help.
When we're busy, racing around, stressed, upset or overwhelmed, our brains often respond automatically. We can become caught up in strong emotions, habits or assumptions before we've had a chance to think. That's why pausing isn't always easy—but it is a skill that can be practised.
Pausing is taking a moment before responding to consider whether your response reflects what you really want to say.
The pause doesn't remove our emotions. Instead, it gives us a chance to notice them and choose how we'd like to respond, rather than reacting automatically.
Here are a few simple ways to create a pause:
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Take one slow breath.
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Notice your feet on the ground.
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Count to three.
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Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?"
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Ask yourself, "How do I want to respond?"
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If needed, say, "Can I think about that for a moment?"
Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
That small pause gives us the opportunity to notice what's happening before we respond. Instead of responding automatically, we have a chance to choose a response that aligns with our values and intentions.
Sometimes the pause helps us realise we're hurt rather than angry. Sometimes it helps us notice we don't have all the information yet. Sometimes it gives us the opportunity to ask a question instead of making an assumption. Other times, it simply reminds us to take a breath before speaking.
The next time you notice yourself reacting quickly, see if you can pause for just a moment. Take a breath. Notice what you're feeling. Then ask yourself:
"What response reflects the person I want to be?"
Sometimes, just a few seconds is enough to change the direction of a conversation—or the way we feel about our response afterwards.
