Toolbox
Why Can’t I Sleep — and What Can I Do?
(See the snapshot by clicking here)
Do you have trouble falling asleep? Wake during the night and struggle to get back to sleep? Or wake much earlier than you would like?
You’re certainly not alone. Sleep difficulties are very common, particularly during periods of stress, change or emotional difficulty.
Unfortunately, sleep is one of those things we can’t force. Telling yourself, I have to go to sleep now often has the opposite effect. The harder we try to make sleep happen, the more alert and frustrated we can become.
There isn't one strategy that works for everyone. Instead, it can help to experiment with different ways of supporting your body and mind to settle and prepare for sleep.
1. Take the pressure off
If you are lying awake thinking, I need to sleep. Why am I still awake? I’m going to be exhausted tomorrow, your brain has been given another problem to solve.
Rather than trying to force yourself to sleep, see if you can take some of the pressure off. You might gently remind yourself:
I don't have to make myself sleep. I can take the pressure off and let sleep come when it comes.
Sleep is something your body knows how to do. Your job doesn't have to be to make it happen.
2. If you're wide awake, consider getting out of bed
If you've been lying awake for a while and are becoming frustrated or increasingly alert, it may be better to get out of bed rather than continuing to struggle with sleep.
Go somewhere quiet and dimly lit and do something calm, such as reading or simply sitting quietly. Avoid stimulating activities and screens if you can. When you begin to feel sleepy again, return to bed.
The idea is to help maintain the association between your bed and sleep, rather than spending long periods awake and frustrated there.
3. Try some self-compassion
Being awake when you're exhausted and desperately want to sleep is hard. Frustration with yourself can add another layer of stress to an already difficult experience.
Instead, try acknowledging what is happening:
This is really difficult. I'm tired and I wish I were asleep. I can be kind to myself while I'm awake.
If touch feels soothing, you might place a hand on your chest, gently rub your arm, give yourself a warm hug or try slow butterfly taps.
You don't have to be happy about being awake to treat yourself kindly while you are.
4. Give your body opportunities to slow down during the day
Sleep doesn't begin the moment your head hits the pillow.
If your mind and body have been racing all day, it can be difficult to suddenly ask them to become quiet at bedtime. Rather than saving all your relaxation for bedtime, see if you can sprinkle small moments of calm throughout your day.
This might mean taking a few slower breaths, stretching, walking outside, having a quiet cup of tea, listening to music, spending time with a pet, sitting quietly for five minutes or simply looking out the window.
You can also experiment with deliberately slowing down an ordinary activity. Drink your tea without doing something else at the same time. Take your time in the shower. Walk a little more slowly.
You aren't trying to be relaxed all day. You're simply giving your mind and body some experience of not having to do or rush.
5. Create a wind-down routine
Our bodies tend to respond well to predictable routines.
Rather than going from full speed to bed, create a transition between your day and sleep. Dim the lights, put work aside, reduce stimulating activities and choose things you find relaxing.
You might have a shower, read, stretch, listen to quiet music or prepare things for tomorrow.
Think of it as gradually turning down the volume on the day.
6. Get thoughts out of your head and onto paper
Sometimes our bodies are tired but our minds are busy.
You might be planning tomorrow, replaying a conversation, remembering something you need to do or worrying about a problem.
Keep a notebook nearby and write it down.
Things to do tomorrow: Email Sam.
Something to address: I want to talk to my partner about what happened.
Something I'm worrying about: The meeting tomorrow.
You can even write something compassionate to yourself: That was a difficult situation. I did the best I could at the time.
Writing something down can be a way of telling your brain: I don't need to solve this at 2 am. I can come back to it tomorrow.
7. Experiment with mindfulness
Mindfulness involves noticing what is happening right now rather than becoming caught up in where our thoughts are taking us.
You might notice your breathing, the feeling of the sheets against your skin, sounds around you or different parts of your body.
A gentle body scan can also help some people notice and release tension.
Mindfulness isn't about emptying your mind. Thoughts will appear. The practice is simply noticing them and gently returning your attention to the present.
8. Listen to something calming
Some people find complete silence relaxing. Others don't.
You might experiment with a guided sleep meditation, rainfall, waves, a flowing creek, gentle music or Yoga Nidra (these links are just examples). Choose something that feels soothing rather than something you feel you should find relaxing.
9. Move your body during the day
Regular physical activity can support better sleep.
It doesn't have to mean an intense workout. Walking, swimming, cycling, running, gardening, playing tennis or going to the gym can all count.
Find movement that suits your body and, ideally, something you actually enjoy.
10. Try cognitive shuffling
If your mind likes to think at bedtime, you can give it something neutral to think about.
One approach is cognitive shuffling.
You can work through the alphabet and choose three objects for each letter. For example, A — apple, art, ant. B — bat, bee, bite.
The idea isn't to get the sequence right. You're giving your mind something relatively unimportant to focus on instead of planning, worrying or replaying the day.
11. Look at your stress load
Sometimes difficulty sleeping can also be connected to what is happening in our lives. When there is a lot going on, our minds and bodies can have difficulty switching off.
Work pressure, relationship difficulties, grief, trauma, financial worries, caring responsibilities and major life changes can all affect sleep.
If your stress load is high, another bedtime technique may not be the whole answer. It may also be worth asking:
What is keeping me on alert at the moment?
Is there anything I can change, reduce, postpone, share or ask for help with?
12. Try progressive muscle relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation involves gently tensing and then releasing different muscle groups.
As you release each area, notice the difference between tension and relaxation.
You can move gradually through your body — hands, arms, shoulders, face, abdomen, legs and feet — allowing muscles to soften as you go.
If deliberately tensing muscles doesn't feel comfortable, simply noticing and softening each area is another option.
13. Strengthen your body clock
Our bodies have an internal clock that helps regulate sleep and wakefulness.
Keeping a reasonably consistent waking time, getting daylight during the day (particularly in the morning) and maintaining regular routines can help reinforce that rhythm.
Long or late daytime naps can make sleeping at night more difficult for some people. If you are having ongoing difficulty sleeping, it may be worth experimenting with reducing daytime sleep.
When sleep problems persist
If sleep difficulties have become persistent, you don't have to keep trying random tips on your own.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is an evidence-based treatment specifically designed for ongoing insomnia. Structured sleep programs based on CBT-I can help people understand the patterns maintaining their sleep difficulties and gradually retrain sleep.
It may also be worth speaking with your GP, particularly if your sleep problems are persistent, significantly affecting your daytime functioning, or accompanied by concerns such as loud snoring, breathing difficulties, unusual movements during sleep or extreme daytime sleepiness.
You don't need to try everything
Looking at a long list of sleep strategies and thinking I need to do all of these is probably not very conducive to sleep!
Instead, choose one or two ideas that appeal to you and experiment.
You might also ask yourself:
What helps my mind slow down?
What helps my body soften?
What tends to make my sleep worse?
What could I do during the day — not just at bedtime — that might support better sleep?
**These are general wellbeing ideas and may not suit everyone. If sleep difficulties are persistent or affecting your daily functioning, speak with your GP or another health professional. If you are fatigued, take care with driving or other activities that require you to be alert.**
← Back to the Wellbeing Toolbox Next: What is Mindfulness? →
